Do you plan to work abroad? How many kids would you be having? Would you like to have a big wedding? Are you going to pursue higher studies? Will you change your name?
It’s really nothing new that twenty-somethings—me—retreat into my dark cave of thoughts and ponder Where do I go from here?
On a rainy night in July, a handful of grade school classmates met up for a mini reunion. It’s been eleven years since we graduated from elementary. Needless to say, a lot has changed. One is now married, while most of us are still yuppies trying to figure out where life is going to lead us. We talked about some of our batch-mates who now have children, those who migrated to another country, those whose names we hardly remember.
I’m about to be 24 in a couple months, just one year away from being 25. I feel like even with all the self-help and motivational articles I have read, I am still at a loss at what I’m going to dedicate the rest of my life for. And yet…
And yet, I also feel like every single decision I make now will be crucial in determining what I will ultimately be. I’m not in a starting point, no. On the contrary, I feel like if I am arranging the jigsaw puzzle pieces of my life, I’m in that moment where I have laid out every single piece upside so I would know how each one looks like. I’m in that stage where I have the corners fixed, where I know which part needs my attention more, where I know that putting a piece here and there will connect the corners to each other.
But there’s the catch. Which corner should I prioritize first? Will I have enough time enough for the other aspects of the puzzle?
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been seriously considering studying Urban Planning in the coming academic year. It's a subject matter that has surprisingly caught my interest, hook, line and sinker, which in retrospect I realized has already been at the back of my mind for a couple of years already at least. And there’s that hopeful buzz that in studying this field I will be able to contribute to society even in just small ways, especially since the lack of a cohesive, efficient urban public system is robbing millions of the city dwellers of Metro Manila time, resources, and sanity.
No, I don’t think it’s going to make me lots of money. I think I will be having a hard time pursuing higher studies instead of being on my way up a corporate ladder. I’m not even sure if I could even get to accepted to the program, let alone survive it until the end. But somehow, this is something I want to plunge into head-on, and if I fail or struggle while doing so, I know I gave it a shot.
I’m not sure. I don’t know if I’m feeling this conviction because I’m looking for a direction, a clear-cut path I could take, or I want to be able to feel like I’m working on something, towards something.
I want to travel and experience the world. I want to explore human relationships and what I’m capable of giving, of sharing. I want to know what it’s like to desperately, passionately desire something—a person, an ideal, an achievement.
At this crossroads, questions are demanding answers. Hopefully, each one will lead me to where I truly want, and need, to be. One step at a time.
