Crazy how the days seem to pass me by. So much happened for the past few weeks, including the anxiety for my application for an overseas workshop, all the drama that went (goes) with my bid for a higher position in the office, my first Bicol and Singapore trips–both with Gabriel, my never-ending to-do list here at work, stocking up on frustration information and references for post grad studies, #AteDuties at home...
These past few weeks, I got really close to conceding in that one fight I promised I would see to the end. Suddenly, I just got so tired of taking the "moral high ground," so utterly confused as to why some people can be just so mean, so intent on bringing others down. It's toxic, but I need to remind myself that I'm in a position where I have a lot to be grateful for. And I thank my ultimate stressball (♥) for reminding me this, too. That I didn't do anything wrong, that I'm putting up a good, clean fight. And it's not only for myself, but for the chance to bring about change.
See, I've learned that when you get to be in a position that commands respect, you have the capacity to implement change and make others follow your example. This is what I will strive to do, with the opportunities that I have. To not denounce in broad strokes, but to realize–and act on–the fact that I have what it takes to bring about positivity and improvement.
Everyone is fighting their own battles. I am wont to get envious of others, to be disdainful of where I am now, which is, more or less a gray area. But a gray area that does people good, even if they don't know it. It can be condemned by the highest of highs and lowest of lows, and it's sad when I witness such. But as Gang Badoy once said during a meeting, "It is unfair, that the other side can say things freely and you have to be the bigger man. But it's the way it is, and you need to work from there." Non-verbatim, of course.
I probably am not making much sense with such vagueness. Haha. I guess I'm just a little flummoxed with everything that's happening, and everything that I have to deal with lately.
Tough march, tough March. But let's carry on.
